About this tool
Unspoken expectations cause many relationship problems. Ten statements about needs, mind-reading, constant harmony and change reveal which expectations may be heavy for you or your partner. Higher scores suggest more expectations worth talking about.
Tips for getting the most from it
- Ask where each expectation came from.
- Turn a hidden expectation into a clear request.
- Discuss your results with a partner or friend.
Frequently asked questions
Is having high expectations bad?
High standards for respect and honesty are healthy. Expectations become a problem when they are unspoken, impossible or place one person in charge of all your needs.
How can I communicate expectations?
Say what you need clearly and kindly, and ask what your partner needs in return.
This tool is for reflection and self-awareness, not diagnosis or treatment. If you are struggling, please speak with a doctor or counsellor. If you are in crisis, contact your local emergency number or a crisis line (US: call or text 988; elsewhere: findahelpline.com).
Keep reading
Our guide Realistic Expectations in Relationships: What to Expect and What to Let Go goes deeper: How unspoken expectations cause hurt, which expectations are healthy, and how to turn hidden assumptions into clear requests.