Affirmations are popular, but they are also easy to dismiss. Repeating “I am confident and successful” in the mirror can feel silly, and for some people it can even feel worse. Let us look at what is known, and how to use them honestly.
What the research suggests
Two ideas often get mixed together. Self-affirmation theory, developed by psychologist Claude Steele, is about reflecting on your core values, such as kindness or creativity, which can help people respond more openly to stress and criticism. Separately, a 2009 study by Joanne Wood and colleagues found that repeating positive statements such as “I am a lovable person” could make some people with low self-esteem feel worse, perhaps because the statement felt untrue. Research is mixed, and results depend on the person and the wording.
Why some affirmations backfire
When a statement is too far from what you currently believe, your mind argues back: “That is not true.” The result can be more self-criticism.
Choose believable statements
| Hard to believe | More believable |
|---|---|
| “I love myself completely.” | “I am learning to be kinder to myself.” |
| “I am totally over them.” | “I am allowed to heal at my own pace.” |
| “Everything is perfect.” | “I can hold pain and hope at the same time.” |
Connect them to values and actions
Instead of just repeating a phrase, link it to something you do. If your statement is “I deserve rest”, follow it by taking ten real minutes to rest. Ask yourself which values matter most to you and write a few sentences about a time you lived them.
How to practise
- Pick one statement that feels slightly stretching but possible.
- Say or write it once or twice a day.
- Notice your reaction. If it feels false, soften the wording.
- Pair it with a small action.
Limits
Affirmations are not a treatment for depression or trauma. If low self-worth is persistent and painful, please speak with a counsellor.
Try some
Our Self-Love Affirmation Generator offers gentle, realistic statements. Save the ones that feel true and return to them on harder days. You can also read our guide on practising self-love.